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Ariana Madix is learning that “having it all” doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness.
On Tuesday’s episode ofVanderpump Rules, the 34-year-old was living her best life. She’d been able to stop working as a bartender at SUR, she and boyfriend Tom Sandoval had just bought their very first house, and they’d finished writing their cocktail book,Fancy AF. But finding herself bored at home, she approached a confusedLisa Vanderpumpabout returning to SUR for a few shifts now and then to keep busy.
“A couple months ago, when we first moved into the house, I swear there were like three or four days where I think I only got out of bed to pee, because I just felt like … maybe like my life had been building up to this, like, really wonderful moment, and then it happened, and I realized, like, I’m still me,” she revealed.
“That sounds like you’re not happy with yourself,” Lisa offered.
“Well, I know that I’m not,” Ariana replied.
In a confessional interview, she explained that she’d been feeling empty despite all of her success.
“I had these, like, big, huge life goals that I have achieved, like the house, the book. And I thought that was gonna fix me,” she told the camera. “But it didn’t change who I am, and this undercurrent, this depression, is, I’m realizing, probably always going to be a part of me and a part of my life.”
Back at the table with Lisa, she admitted, “I think I need to be medicated.”
“Are you depressed?” Lisa asked. “Is that how you’re feeling?”
“I have been for a very long time,” Ariana confessed.
That resonated with Lisa, whomourned the lossof her brother, Mark Vanderpump, afterhe diedofsuicidein May 2018. As she grieved, she fell out with her friends onThe Real Housewives of Beverly Hillsover the“PuppyGate”drama, ultimately quitting that reality show.
“I experienced it a lot last year when I lost my brother. Nothing made sense to me,” Lisa told Ariana. “But you can do it. You’ve got this. You can rise to the challenge.”
“I’ll get there,” Ariana agreed.
“If I can do it, you can do it,” Lisa encouraged her. “Come on. Don’t doubt yourself. Let others do that for you.”
This wasn’t Ariana’s first raw moment on the series. Last season, sheopened up about her fluid sexualityafter being outed over a hookup with costarLala Kent, and the year prior, she revealed she’d been in amentally and emotionally abusiverelationship before dating Tom, 36. Plus, she’s been candid on social media aboutundergoing surgery to remove cancer.
Vanderpump Rulesairs Tuesdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.
source: people.com
