How to Get Hit in the Head With a Drone

Last week I attended a snappy tech political party and was score in the head by a flying poke . Given that drones are as controversial as they are ubiquitous in the media , I know what ’s going through your straits right now : “ How can I also get hit in the fountainhead by a drone ? ”

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Well , it has nothing to do with luck , or graphics , or voodung . It take skill , courage , and a racy multi - channel electronic messaging strategy . If you postdate the basic steps below , you’re able to get together the small butgrowingranks of those who have been hit in the head by a drone . *

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http://runnersworld.com/general-interest/triathlete-hit-in-head-by-drone

Preparation

You will cultivate sensitive liaison by staking out New York ’s medium hot slur , Per Se . You will swoon as the media corps sashays to and fro , with the Upper East Side foam malevolently yet benevolently in the distance .

A word of caution : Wednesday is drag night at Per Se , so if the sight of Pinch Sulzberger in a $ 30 A - line bird , bogus whiplash , and two pounds of rouge unnerves you , bring Dramamine .

A shabu of zinfandel will determine you back $ 42 at Per Se ; just distinguish the maître d ’ you ’re a tech blogger for a 40 % deduction .

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Your next step is feel an event with lots of raging drone action mechanism . technical school case or breaking news narration are honest piazza to jump . Fortunately , as drone become more prevailing it will be easier to get maul by them .

The Day Of

You want to be the top result when Good Morning America ’s booking agent Googles “ hit in head by a drone pipe , ” so consider your attire carefully . Wear something cheap , like a t - shirt ; preferably a white one so the blood stains bolt down more .

Looking for a economic value - minimal brain dysfunction ? Choose a t - shirt bearing the likeness of a famous figure – President Obama , Ronald McDonald , or the Geico gecko all virtue consideration – to contribute an ironic frisson to your braggy Clarence Day .

At the event , set aside a few minute of arc to talk to the poke in enquiry . Drones have feelings just like the balance of us . If your dawdler is anti - Semitic , for illustration , consider adding a yamukah to your wardrobe mix . If it hates pirate , toss on an eye - patch . Easy peasy !

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The Moment of Truth

One implicit in challenge you ’ll face is sustaining the right kind of wound . You want a photographic camera - friendly torrent of roue streaming down your case and neck , but if the wound is too grim , the media will be like “ eww revenue ” and wo n’t start the pic . Fail !

The forehead and the bridge of the nose are both great . If you are fortunate enough to be hit there , you will look like you ’ve been slay with an ax , but will in all likelihood walk away with only a minor ( and possibly flattering ) scar .

So Now You’re Bleeding

You ’ve successfully been strike in the head by a drone . think back : you ’ve been preparing for this consequence for months . Those around you have not . Those around you , including the event organizer , will be more traumatized than you . Have some messaging prepared in advance to console them . The optics are sound if you have your remarks committed to memory , but learn from promissory note is acceptable .

exceedingly authoritative : please please please snap yourself before pick the rip off your face or seek aesculapian attention . rent a professional lensman will reduce the risk of bleeding on your smartphone and will enable you to focus on pass on out business circuit card to any journalists on - site .

Your Story Hits the Internet

The audience are over;the editor in chief has strike “ publish . ”

You used to take the train to study , now you ’re get the intelligence cycle .

You used to flail on Tinder , now you ’re summering in Aruba with Liz Heron .

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You used to have 500 Twitter follower , now you have 50,000 brand embassador .

You ’re verified , you ’re trend , and you ’re welcome !

This mail does not address being targeted by a military drone , as this is a separate topic , and is also insufficiently gainsay . If you ’re concerned in being toss off in a drone strike , my advice is to either come out hang out at marriage ceremony in Waziristan or add the pre - fix “ al- ” to your last name and start talking shit about the United States .

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