The gods of olden times were , in a parole , assholes;the Greek god , the Egyptian gods , and evenYahweh of the Old Testament , are proof enough . But for the maximal combo of divinity and dickery , no one holds a cd to the Norse deity . Here are just a few of their more usurious transgression .
http://io9.com/the-13-biggest-assholes-in-greek-mythology-1454132475/all
The Egyptian Gods ’ 8 Biggest Dick move
God ’s 12 Biggest Dick Moves in the Old Testament
1 ) Odin slaying the World Into Existence
In the origin , there was nothing but the realm of firing , the realm of sparkler , and the void in - between . But the fire and glass organize the giant Ymir , who was the father of the giants called the Jotunn and was purportedly evil . I say purportedly , because it seems his chief human action of villainy was to fight Odin , who was anxious to have some position to rule , and think Ymir ’s consistence would do the conjuring trick . finally Odin succeeded , and Ymir ’s pedigree became the oceans , drowning all but two of the giants ; his remains became the country ; his bones the mountains and rocks ; his hair’s-breadth the tree ; and his skull the sky . If using Ymir ’s skull as the globe ’s roof was n’t enough of a dick move , Odin took his brains and used them to decorate the sky — and they became the cloud .
2 ) The Sun and Moon Orbit by Fear
Once the giants had repopulated reasonably , Odin was select a stroll through giant territory and spied two beautiful colossus name Sol and Mani . They were so beautiful , in fact , that Odin and the other gods were spend a penny off , and decrees that the two madam would have to drop their time ride chariot across the sky . for keep them moving at a spanking pace , Odin ordered two wolves to chase after them for all eternity , which is why the sun and the moon circle the Nox sky . Because they ’re being pursuit by beast . For being sexy .
3 ) Freyr “ Wins ” A Saint Bride
Freyr , the super - serious - looking brother of the goddess Freya , was so just and baronial that he was really in cathexis of Alfheim , the land of the Light Elves , and is the Norse god of good thing like manliness and nice conditions . One sidereal day he spied the Jotunn diagnose Gerd , and pass hopelessly in love with her . Like love - sickish idiots the world over , rather of doing something productive he settle to lounge about and lay claim he was going to die without Gerd , forcing his handmaiden Skirnir to do his suit for him . This wooing exit as follow : Skirnir offered Gerd the apples of young . Gerd say no . Skirnir offered her a magical golden ring that made more golden rings . Gerd said hell no . Skirnir sound out she ’d best marry Freyr is she have it off what was proficient for her . Gerd leaf him the bird . Finally , Gerd suppose he would curse her using runes , and a terrified Gerd asked when the wedding was schedule .
4 ) Loki , God of Dickery
Loki is well known as the god of mischief , which mean his divine power was primarily used for screwing people over . Sometimes that benefitted the gods , such as when Loki receive a giant to build Asgard ’s walls . The giant wanted the sun , the moon and Freya if he completed the job in a sure amount of fourth dimension ; the gods were apprehensive , but Loki tiold them to cool . Just before the giant finished the wall , Loki transformed into a mare and lured away the giant ’s entire , leaving the giant without his power to move the stones . The giant drop off the stake ; on the other hand , Loki was force to fuck the giant ’s horse , with the result that he gave nascence to the eight - legged horse cavalry Sleiphnir , which he gave to Odin ,
Sometimes Loki would just insult the gods — and I intend all the gods — at dinner party , until Thor chase after him off . Sometimes his mischief-making was more diabolical , such as when he got Baldur murdered . When Baldur was born , his mom go around asking everything if they would beware not ever hurt his Word . They harmonize , making Baldur essentially unbeatable . The one elision was mistletoe , which was too young to make such an oath . As such , the Norse god utilize to disport themselves by throw artillery after weapon at Baldur , and ascertain them all bounce off . Loki knew Baldur ’s weak point , made a mistletoe arrow , and give it to Baldur ’s brother Hodur ( not Hodor ) to discharge during one of these game , and Baldur died instantly .
How much did Loki piss the other gods off ? Well , when they decided to bind him to a rock to look until until Ragnorak , they tied him up with his son ’s entrails . Which , no matter what shit Loki pull out , is kind of a dick move unto itself .
5 ) Goatsuckers go Wild
Thor had two butt who pulled his chariot . Why goats ? Possibly because they had two awesome names — Toothbarer and Toothgrinder . Or possibly because he could eat them if he happened to be hungry , and then revive them the next sidereal day ( remark : the Capricorn almost assuredly thought this was a dick move ) . One sidereal day , Thor and Loki were journey through Midgard and stayed at a farm with a brother and sister bring up Thialfi and Röskva . Because they were kind enough to share their roof , Thor shared his goats with them , and they had a pleasant meal — it was so good that Thialfi break up undetermined one of the bones and exhaust the marrow inside . The next day , Thor resurrected Toothbarer and Toothgrinder and noticed one of them was a little lame . Thor was so furious at the comrade for breaking a convention that he had never inform him of that he made Thialfi and Röskva his servants everlastingly .
6 ) Thor Hates dwarf
Thor ’s dickery does not end there . A dwarf nominate Alviss fell in love life with his girl Trud and ask for her hired hand in marriage . Thor , instead of manning up and just tell no , get all size - ist and state Alviss that since he was so short he had to prove himself desirable of his girl . Now usually in these history , the courageous suitor beats difficult odds to gain ground the hand of his beloved . In this story , Thor basically keep Alviss busy with his gimcrack “ test ” until the Dominicus came up , which turn him to pit . And Trud never married anyone .
7 ) Freya Really Likes That Necklace
The goddess Freya was walking around one day when she fall out to spy a beautiful necklace in a shoppe incline by four dwarf . She tried to buy it , but the dwarf had no need of money . Freya said , “ Well , what can I pay you with ? And that ’s when the porn euphony started . Well , Freya get her necklace , but Loki of course of study take in the whole thing go down . He immediately ratted Freya out to Odin , who ordered Loki to slip the necklace while Freya slept . When Freya woke up , her necklace was drop , but she also image out immediately who had steal it , and went to Odin to complain . Like most mythological divinity , Odin , who slept around as he delight , get all moral when Freya dare to have sexual agency , and told her the only way she could get it back was if she engineer a warfare between two human chieftains in which 100 of warrior fail . Which she did . Because she really liked that necklace .
- Ratatosk , King of Asshole Squirrels
Yggdrisil is the World Tree , its roots and branch extend to into all nine realm . At the bottom of the Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree lie the dragon Nidhug , who spends his sentence gnawing on the worldly concern tree diagram ’s roots and sucking the line of descent out of dead bodies . At the top of Yggdrisil is an bird of Jove named Hraesvelg , who actually creates the air current whenever he flaps his wings . The bird of Jove and the firedrake detest each other . Why ? Because a squirrel identify Ratatosk spends all his metre running back and onward , up and down the Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree , tell the bird of Jove and the firedrake that the other is tattle smack about them . Why is he doing this ? Because he ’s a dick . Seriously , Ratatosk has no grand scheme , and the eagle and the firedrake are n’t prophesied to fight or do anything . Ratatosk is spending his devoid time perpetuating an animosity for no rationality whatsoever .
- The Dark Elves : Nightmare Creators
If everything you know about the Dark Elves of Svartleheim you learned from Thor : The Dark World , rest assured they ’re not near as dangerous in realism ( also , Malekith does n’t exist ) . Instead of grabbing Casks of Ancient Winters and trying to destroy the Nine Realms , they favor to creep into your bedroom at night while you ’re sleeping , climb up on your seam , and whisper thing into your spike so you have nightmare ? Why ? No cause , other than they want you to have a bad night ’s sleep . If this were n’t petty enough , human being are n’t the only ace they give nightmares — they also do the same thing to horse . Horses ! What kind of an arsehole spend his nighttime trying to give horses bad dreams ?
9 ) They Otter get laid Better
One of the biggest dick moves of the Norse gods has to be deal equally by Odin , Thor and Loki ( although mostly Loki , of course of action ) . The three gods were travelling to the Dwarven Kingdom when they spied an otter , and Loki throw a stone , killed it , and the three of them skinned it . What they did n’t realize is that the otter was in fact Otr , a dwarven prince who only took the shape of a otter during the day . So Odin , Thor and Loki walk in to the Dwarzen Kingdom yelling , “ Hey , look at this awesome otter pelt we just scored ! ” and Otr ’s father and brother , King Hreidmar and Prince Fafnir , naturally freak out out . They captured Odin and Thor , and tell Loki if he wants them back again , he necessitate to take the otter skin , fill it with Au , and the cover the pelt in blood-red atomic number 79 ( Otr really comes out worst in the situation ) . So Loki , rather than simply make good on an innocent fault , fill up the otter with the unredeemed gold of Andvari , which ends up push Fafnir so wild that he kills his dad , hordes all the gold for himself , turn into a dragon , and mercilessly terrify the fence land for eons until Sigurd finally slew him . Moral : Do n’t postulate Loki to do anything ever .
10 ) Thor Hates Dwarves , Part II
If the Alviss and the otter tales should have taught you anything , it ’s that Odin and his kin did not give a shit about the gnome . Nothing — and I intend nothing — more clearly indicates this incomparable contempt than the funeral of Baldur , on a traditional combustion ship . Baldur ’s married woman Nanna was so distraught she give herself on the burn ship so she could join her hubby in Ragnorak . So it was already a pretty sober occasion , right ? Well , this is the point that the dwarf Lit made the misunderstanding of steeping in front of Thor . Thor , for no reason — because it ’s not like Lit was block his scene or anything — decide to kick the dwarf into the burning boat where he burn alive . get me repeat that : Thor kicked a nanus into a fire for no rationality whatsoever . Even Loki must have been kick the bucket , “ Dude , what the fuck . ”
myth
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